Rules for Choosing a Life Partner

Relationship can be so hard nowadays. How do u know that he/she is your soul mate? It may be all nice and sweet and a bed of roses now but will things still be the same 10 years down the road? Or even maybe just 1 year down the road?

What consists of a happy and healthy relationship?

I once read this somewhere,

"Love isn't just two people gazing at each other, but two people looking into the future together"

Forget who was the writer but it was something lidat. I really agree with it...

Just wanna share with you guys something I read! =)



Rules for Choosing a Life Partner

QUESTION # 1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 to 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat,sex and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage.
1. You can grow old together, or

2. You can grow apart... 50 % of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing. If the person you're in love with doesn't want the same thing as you do; you might as well get out of it now than when its too late.


QUESTION # 2:Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust. i.e trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.


QUESTION # 3:Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the the right." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone
whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in this world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before Walking down the aisle.


QUESTION # 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this a person who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and
self-absorbed ? To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, busboy, taxi driver, etc.?

2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do your parents and siblings like/adore them? Have you received any bad comment/remarks about them?

3. Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

4. Do they show respect? Do they respect your opinions or let you know when you go over the line? Are they truly honest with you, even if you don't like facts that hurt? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have
given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who cant do nearly as much for them !

5. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips and bad-mouths cannot be someone who loves others. Has the person simply left anyone for you? Has that someone lied to/with/because of you? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.


QUESTION # 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage and for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. There is no point in putting restrictions on your life partner. If you love him/her you will accept him/her as they are.In conclusion, selecting your partner doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are selecting, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.


I'm not sure whether I fufill all this criteria as a girlfriend. But I'll definitely try my best! =)



True love arises from two people's determination to share their lives together, and from the wisdom gained from aspiring from the future.

-Daisaku Ikeda-