Saturday, January 20, 2007

Rules for Choosing a Life Partner

Relationship can be so hard nowadays. How do u know that he/she is your soul mate? It may be all nice and sweet and a bed of roses now but will things still be the same 10 years down the road? Or even maybe just 1 year down the road?

What consists of a happy and healthy relationship?

I once read this somewhere,

"Love isn't just two people gazing at each other, but two people looking into the future together"

Forget who was the writer but it was something lidat. I really agree with it...

Just wanna share with you guys something I read! =)

Rules for Choosing a Life Partner

QUESTION # 1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 to 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat,sex and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage.
1. You can grow old together, or

2. You can grow apart... 50 % of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing. If the person you're in love with doesn't want the same thing as you do; you might as well get out of it now than when its too late.

QUESTION # 2:Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust. i.e trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION # 3:Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the the right." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone
whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in this world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before Walking down the aisle.

QUESTION # 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this a person who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and
self-absorbed ? To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, busboy, taxi driver, etc.?

2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do your parents and siblings like/adore them? Have you received any bad comment/remarks about them?

3. Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

4. Do they show respect? Do they respect your opinions or let you know when you go over the line? Are they truly honest with you, even if you don't like facts that hurt? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have
given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who cant do nearly as much for them !

5. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips and bad-mouths cannot be someone who loves others. Has the person simply left anyone for you? Has that someone lied to/with/because of you? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION # 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage and for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. There is no point in putting restrictions on your life partner. If you love him/her you will accept him/her as they are.In conclusion, selecting your partner doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are selecting, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

I'm not sure whether I fufill all this criteria as a girlfriend. But I'll definitely try my best! =)

True love arises from two people's determination to share their lives together, and from the wisdom gained from aspiring from the future.

-Daisaku Ikeda-


Menchie said...

This is so true. Many people think things will be the same after a marriage. But if you don't have a good foundation then it's much harder to stay together.

-Princess Shin- said...

Yeah... but its still hard... =(

You're one good example! =)

Take care!

Anucia said...

marriage is scary in this day and age...the easy way out is always the first option..and we are all guilty of that at some point or other..
but as long as there's perseverance, there are great prospects..

Keshi said...

u know sweetie, I feel just one thing is needed for a r'ship to work...honest LOVE for each other. Everything else falls in place if that's there.

Huggggggz hope ur feeling much better these days...and hows the pimples going? Have u started applying vit E-cream?


narrowband said...

Hmm I still worship the old, golden rule: "Click and go".

If both parties could click - get along and are serious about each other, I believe anything can be overcome.

But in any case if I'm wrong you're gonna be my first post-break-up counselor. *touchwood*

-Princess Shin- said...

Yeah... perseverance and the will to overcome whatever problems that may surface. Thanks for dropping by! =)

Honest love... Yeah... i agree! Honesty in a relationship is definitely very important!

I'm definitely feeling much better.. just uglier now.. haha... now i have to use make-up to cover up.. sad sad... haha.. but discovering the joys of makeup now! =)

haha.. don't worry.. but i'll be honored to be your crying shoulder.. if that's what u mean! =)

Kampungkai said...

falling in love? ah, tell me about it. Seems so hard to find a female around my work place. Being single is really boring i would say, am still wishing for someone to appear in my life.

oh btw, long time no c! :)

Yeen said...

Dear Cherry

I always remember that phrase by Ikeda Sensei..Love isnt't gazing at each other... Nice to bump into ur blog...Keep it up!

Arz000n said...

Thanks for these rules. I might get hook up this year and am sure gonna look out for all those points :)

Lemme take a print out and keep it in ma wallet for easy reference :P


Miss Positive said...

What an interesting article. The questions are good too, ones that we should ask ourselves before taking any further steps.

Keshi said...

u'll be right...soon ur spots will vanish. TC!


-Princess Shin- said...

hello! Long time no see too! =) Don't worry.. i believe tat love will come when you least expect it! ^.^

hey! Helo.. always nice to meet someone new.. esp someone that reads ikeda sensei's books too! =) Hope to see u again!

haha.. no problem! You're free to take it.. I'm happy to share! You're 'gonna' hook up this year? You mean its in the process? Wonder who's the lucky gal! Good luck! =)

miss positive,
yeah.. i find it very useful too.. its a big step to take so we must really know how to maintain a relationship! =) glad you like it! hehe..

thanks gal! You're a pie! hehe..

krystyna said...

Hi Princess Shin!
"True love arises from two people's determination to share their lives together, and from the wisdom gained from aspiring from the future" -Daisaku Ikeda
True. Great post!
All the best to you!

-Princess Shin- said...

All the best to you too..! =)