Wednesday, August 01, 2012

What the fuck is love anyways?

What is love? Is it a chemical reaction that our bodies, nervous systems and our brain produces? Can all the emotions and crazy feelings that we experience be logically explained rather than some "profound meaning" that we generally always try to explain away with?

I don't know. I know scientist have tried to explain the feeling of love in a logical way but..

Call me idealist, or a naive little girl with romantic ideals that happily ever after is possible but I do believe that there is one (or even more if you so wish) person which you have had profound connection in the past which now leads you to want to be with this person right now in the present.

Its painful though. This so-called love thing. And confusing and frustrating too. It can paralyze you. It can make you do stupid things, things you'll never imagine yourself doing, or things you might scorn at when you hear other victims doing it. I think sometimes the bad might even outweigh the good. Though the good can be sooo intense, unforgettable and addictive that no matter how painful you know it is, you still fall back into the same trap again, and again and again.

Just that one small physical touch can change anything. One small insignificant memory can be etched into the depths of your brain making you unable to think about anything else no matter how preoccupied you make yourself to be.

Then again, that is life right? What is life when you don't let yourself go once in a while for that one special person. That one special person whom you'll go to the ends of the moon and back just to be able to be with him/her for just another second. And so what if it doesn't work out. You at least did that for yourself. Because at that time, that was all that matters. He/she was your world.

No matter how independent, capable or successful you are, this one person can make you lose all sense of objectivity, and make you laugh, feel deliriously happy, or down to the depths of hell with just one single sentence. And the saddest thing is.. this person might not even know he/she had that effect on you.

Is that love? It might not be love yet. Is it lust? How can it be if there is no physical interaction involved?

Probably some-in-between undefined word.

We human beings always feel a need to put a definition or a label to everything. Why again, may I ask? To feel secure? To feel the sense of control when you're able to know for sure what it is? Why so afraid of uncertainty?

And then there is the whole timing thing. But what does timing mean anyways? Some feelings can last a couple of days and "whoosh," its gone (that's probably infatuation, or a crush), some a couple of months, years, even a lifetime (the mystical one true love). What is the best timing? We always put our personal life on hold for our family, our studies, our career. When do we say, "Okay. Now its time for me to put everything on hold for the special someone." When we're old and finally financially stable?

Sometimes, two people might really care for each other but because of circumstances, they deliberately choose to not be together because it just wasn't worth it, or someone with the right circumstances might come along. But that probably shows that there is more than one special person for you then. Is that right? Whose to say anyways?

What if you gave up something that was truly special?

Ah this is all so complicating.

Worse yet. It might only be a one sided love. Now is that love?

And how do you explain that it has to be that one person? Can love be nurtured? Couples from arranged marriages will say yes. But then it brings in the whole discussion about love and lust right? People say lust and passion fades with time and over the years, what is left to sustain the relationship is the friendship and partnership. Can you have lust without love? Of course. Can you have love without lust? That's not good either no? It'll be like sisterly or brotherly love.

Not a nice thought.

Anyways.. Can passion be nurtured too?

I don't know where I'm going with this. Its all about chemistry right? Is chemistry only based on our bodies pheromones? Is that all there is? Or can you have chemistry without even meeting each other? If yes, then where does the chemistry come from?

And is chemistry alone enough to sustain the relationship?

So many questions. And absolutely no answers.

If I give you a person with absolutely all the qualities that you want in your perfect partner, will you still go for this person even though every time you meet, you feel nothing whatsoever? Do you think that over time, the chemistry and passion will develop? Is that the most ideal situation? It all depends on what you want isn't it?

What is ideal anyways? Its all subjective. In love, there is no objectivity whatsoever. At least for the crazily-I-will-die-for-you kind of love.

Damn. This post is getting too long for its own good.

Seriously though.. if you put in front of me a guy that has all the qualities I want in a partner, adding to the fact that he likes me too, if I have no feelings for this person.. there is nothing I can do about it. But then again.. there is the possibility that it might develop over time right?

Give me another guy.. who is everything I don't want a partner of mine to be (though that again is subjective because how well do you actually know a person anyways?). Sad thing is that, no matter how hard I try, he is always and constantly in there with me throughout the day in my sick little brain, taunting me, driving me crazy. What do you do then? Is that chemistry? Love? Lust? Who knows.

What does love mean to me? I think love is the shared understanding that you have between two people who really sincerely care deeply for each other. That without a word, you know what the other is going through. The mutual respect to want the best for each other. The sincere prayer to want the best for this person without wanting absolutely anything in return. It takes time to develop into a mature love like what I just described. But I do believe that passionate love is needed to develop into mature love. That's my ideal.

But who knows for sure anyways? Best thing is to just blame it on hormones. Don't over-analyse it. Foucault was probably right. Everything we do is all govern by our need for sex. That's all there is to it.

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